It should have been a day filled with great joy and celebration but, instead, my heart was full of deep grief and sadness.
It was the day that my niece gave birth to her first child, a beautiful baby girl weighing in at a healthy 6 pounds 10 ounces. Throughout her pregnancy I tried my best to contribute to her excitement and share in her happiness, but on the night the baby was born, my heart was instantly overwhelmed with sorrow. It came on suddenly with the unbidden thought that I will never get to experience the incredible joy of bringing a new life into the world.
After 10 years and at least three go-arounds with the stages of grief, I thought I had come to a place of peace and acceptance with my infertility. I thought that all of the sadness, jealousy, and grief brought on by barrenness was a thing of the past. But then that precious baby girl came into the world and, with her, a cloud of sorrow so heavy I couldn’t seem to shake it.
That is, until I held her.
As I cradled my great-niece in my arms, marveling at this exquisite newborn child, I felt the dark cloud lift off my shoulders. In the presence of new life, captivated by the wonder of God’s brilliant creation, every downcast thought and ounce of jealousy washed away. All that remained was pure joy and awed appreciation for the goodness of God.
On that day, holding that beautiful baby girl, I was reminded of a critically important truth: Joy isn’t circumstantial; it’s positional.
David articulated this truth in Psalm 16:11 when he wrote, “You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand” (emphasis mine). What David understood is that experiencing and embracing joy has nothing to do with our life circumstances and everything to do with our relationship to the Life Giver.
We see this truth echoed in John’s gospel as Jesus was speaking to His disciples just before His arrest and crucifixion. As He prepared them for the troubles ahead, Jesus said, “So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy” (John 16:22). Jesus wanted His disciples and us to know that grief was an emotion exclusively reserved for His absence but, once He returned, joy would reign in His presence.
Beloved, the good news for us is that our joy need not wait for our Savior to rise from the grave. Jesus has already risen! We don’t need to wait for our circumstances to change because death, sorrow, sadness, and every stage of grief have been defeated. Whether or not our bodies are able to bring a new life into this world, we can know the way, the truth, and the life of Jesus. By the Spirit of the living God, we can embrace the fullness of unending, eternal joy by positioning ourselves in His presence. We can seek the face of Jesus and delight in the hope of His everlasting glory.
Even in barrenness, infertility, and loss, we can choose to rejoice in God’s goodness, give thanks for His many blessings, and pray in every and all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).
Stephanie Rice is a contributor for Waiting in Hope Ministries who became infertile at the age of 20 due to chronic illness. Her passion is the Word of God and encouraging others to walk by faith in the Lord Jesus. Stephanie currently resides in Northern Pennsylvania with her fur baby, Faith.
