I have some dear friends who are right now about to make one of the the hardest, gut-wrenching, life-changing, heart-breaking, tearful decisions of their lives.
I don't understand why they are in this situation, nor why anyone has to ever be asking the toughest questions about life and choosing from impossible choices about what to do next. I'm not sure any of us will ever get those answers of why, when we need them.
In this time, watching their hearts be fully devoted to see His Name be made known and His Will to be carried out in their lives above all else. Even in a time of darkness, has made me so proud of them. The strength the Lord has given them is beyond evident to see.
It's a Powerful, Supernatural...Strength, that is only from GOD!
Those statements of "Your Will be Done, Your Glory be made known, above our wants/feelings" are not easy to choose, feel or say at any point, let alone when you feel the bomb of heartbrokenness dropped right on top of you. ("Why would you God" is more the typical response, right? well at least for me)
So, last week they were blindsided at their almost 20 week of pregnancy full body anatomy scan to be told that their baby was "not-compatible with life" and "the baby has too many major issues to survive." >>These are the life-shattering types of moments in our lives where you simply hang on for dear life and pray the Lord can carry you and hold you together as only HE CAN. For those who've never had these moments or anything hard...Praise God! But know one day you likely will. Our Pastor, Gregg Matte often says you are either in a struggle, coming out of one or about to enter into one.
BUT GOD...
{"But God" verses: Psalm 73:26, Psalm 49:14-15, Genesis 50:20, Romans 5:7-8, 1 Corinthians 2:9-10}
"He can do something with this... I don't know why and I want to see His plans in this now, but maybe He wants to use this for others down the road," said my sweet friend who wisely and powerfully shared with Justin and I only a day after they received their devastating news.
As we talked and reflected that night on all God had been doing in their lives up until this point and the simple ways He has prepared them, protected them and drew them in close and intimately to Himself and each other the last few months, I was thankful. Thankful for a God who cares about us so tenderly and lovingly. They shared how months ago they had been faced with their first real life struggle/trial and had to choose Him and an eternal perspective over earthly possessions (that are meaningless - yet feel so important at the time). God used this trial in their lives as a time to prune and refine their hearts. God knew they would be able to handle "what was to come" with Him after facing this heartbreak first.
He Knows what we Need... so you can TRUST!
BUT GOD... Yes He allowed earthly (worldly) possessions to be taken from them but in the process gave them a stronger faith, marriage and perspective to want Him more.
So That...
When this current pain struck they would have Him as their solid foundation, only hope, purpose and protector to walk them through it.
I have no idea the pain they are facing or the struggle before them. I can only imagine, and it hurts in my gut. As badly as they want to choose life and hope for their baby and its future, they are being shown and told by numerous doctors, specialist, surgeons and hospitals that ultimately the baby is possibly only alive now because of the mother pumping life into it, especially since vital organs are missing or not functioning. Even being told - "If only there were enough surgeries to even make life or survival an option out of the womb then maybe things would be different".
Don't hear me wrong - listen - I am Pro-Life all the way and truly have seen and believe in a God who can do "immeasurably more than we think or imagine" and believe that "all things are possible for God"! Yet, there are those areas in life and faith that are "gray," hard choices do exist where "black and white" views aren't possible. The best way that Justin and I have been able to wrap our hearts and brains around this situation is thinking about how as a parent or loved one you Never want to be in these situations, but if you were, then how long and how much do you allow someone you love to be in pain and suffer? How long do you keep them attached to life-support? I know we all have different views and thoughts on this one, yet all of us will agree on one thing... we are not there and we really don't know what we would choose. It's that Simple. No judgment (that's not our place anyway). God directs each of us differently and sometimes that means choosing between 2 impossible situations/outcomes.
But I do know... their sweet 1st baby will be a precious gift to live on in our hearts for those that know and love them! Its life will matter because of the parents choosing to share, use it, embrace the hard, moral wall they had to face that no one can relate to unless they are in those shoes. Begging for God (just like Jesus at the Garden) to "Take this cup from me, but if it be your Will... I understand"
BUT GOD...
Will make Beauty from Ashes! I've seen it in my own life and my own losses. The Waiting in Hope ministry as it is today is a direct legacy of our sweet baby Hope, that we lost at 11/12 weeks back on December 5, 2014. Her life has mattered because we chose to be vulnerable, open and say Yes for Him to use our pain in Infertility for His ultimate plan to bring hope and peace to others. Even though it hurt.
I pray for this legacy and this hindsight for my dear friends! I pray that they see more of Jesus than ever before and that satan's nasty attacks and desires to use shame, guilt or conviction by others to defeat them would be banished from their story and lives, starting right now. In Jesus Name, Amen!
