Ready or not, the holidays arrived. This year is a different experience altogether. In 2020, many of us had interrupted adoptions, delayed procedures, miscarriages, and a hundred other losses. It has been a difficult season to say, “Thank you,” to God.
Maybe this would have been your miscarried child’s first Thanksgiving and Christmas. Maybe you planned a fun pregnancy announcement, but now there is no announcement to give. You might feel out of place at holiday gatherings when all the kids are herded together for a cousin picture. You might feel a lump in your throat each time you see only two stockings hanging on the fireplace. You might grieve your many losses as you watch others create memories with their children.
Thankfulness is hard when you feel you’re living a tragedy. It must be possible, though, because God’s Word tells us repeatedly to “be thankful,” “give thanks,” and “offer thanksgiving.” And we can trust that if God tells us to do something, even when it feels impossible, He will not leave us alone to do it. We see many examples of God helping people do the impossible. Look at Noah, who built a massive ark to save humanity, or Joshua and Israel when they defeated mighty Jericho by marching around the city. Look how He helped Deborah and Jael deliver Israel from powerful enemies. The list of examples of how God helps people overcome trials, small and large, runs long throughout the Bible.
In Philippians, Paul explains God’s desire that we bring our requests to Him with thanksgiving. Keep in mind Paul wrote this while he was in prison – not somewhere fun or exciting that would naturally make him feel thankful. He says that when we pray with thanksgiving, the “God of peace” will be with us (Philippians 4:6-7). We can bring our hurts, desires, anxieties, and requests to God with thankfulness, knowing the very God of peace will be with us.
Paul also writes in 1 Thessalonians that it’s part of God’s will for us to be thankful. Again, almost with the same stroke of the pen, we’re promised peace from God. We learn that God promises to be faithful to set us apart and help us do what He asks us to do (1 Thessalonians 5:18, 23-24). So if it’s God’s will for us to be thankful, and if He tells us to bring our requests to Him with thankfulness, that must mean we have reasons to be thankful beyond our immediate circumstances.
So what are we supposed to be expressing thankfulness for? Especially when we’re hurting, it can be difficult to name what’s good. That’s why we can start with a basic truth: God’s goodness.
Throughout Scripture, God’s goodness is proclaimed, and we’re told to join in this song of thankfulness. We read multiple times to give thanks because God is good, and His steadfast love endures forever (1 Chronicles 16:34; Psalm 106:1, 136:1). The writers of these words experienced tumultuous times, yet still praised our good God who gives peace, joy, care, love, provision, all we need for life and godliness, and so much more. A good God brings beauty from ashes. A good God remains faithful to us when we’re tempted to throw in the towel. Most of all, a good God uses the crucifixion and resurrection of His innocent Son to save all who come to Him. We have unending reasons to be thankful, even when we’re waiting for something we desperately desire.
Trials are often portrayed as walking through a vast desert. We feel exhausted, alone, and thirsty. Yet in the driest, hottest deserts, life exists. (If you’ve watched Planet Earth, you’ve seen the various critters that scurry around in the sand.) Plants grow; animals thrive; whole ecosystems flourish. That’s God’s goodness at work in a broken world, and it’s what He does for us. He provides all we need to thrive even when everything feels dry and hopeless. Whatever desert we’re in, He gives us opportunities for life and growth.
So friends, with or without children, we can be thankful. I promise you, God will help us be grateful for the things we have, for His goodness, faithfulness, and surpassing peace. But I imagine my promise doesn’t mean much to you. Thankfully, God knows all of us intimately, and He cares deeply about our lives. So, while my promise might not hold value, God’s promises are worthy of our trust. We can trust His promises even in the midst of this weird, hard, and long year.
What is it today that you can confidently say you’re thankful for? You don’t have to write an overwhelming list. Start with one thing. Write it down and tell someone, or just tell God. Grieve what you need to grieve. Politely turn down invitations to holiday gatherings if they’re too hard this year. Or go if you think it’s the right thing to do. But know this, we can do it all with a heart of thankfulness. Expressing thanks to God won’t take away pain; it won’t suddenly fill our home with long-awaited children. But it will help us to give God glory in our trials, and He will give us peace. Then we can say, with the psalmist, “Thank you God, for You are good.”
Kelly Ottaway is a contributor for WiH and enjoys ministering to others dealing with infertility, loss, and waiting. Kelly is a Licensed Professional Counselor and lives in Ontario with her husband and their two children who were adopted as embryos. Kelly enjoys writing, especially about infertility, mental health, theology, and gardening. @kel.ottaway
